COVID-19 mutates in dangerous new way

Atlas Kulish, Section Editor


With the panic from the coronavirus causing much of Washington to shut down, many residing in the state are fearful of a potential virus mutation. As people have been preparing for the impending calamity by stocking up on necessities like beef jerky and toilet paper, some have been readying for an even more frightening disease – Neurodermatitus.

When gathering materials to survive the state’s quarantine over the next few weeks, shoppers found that there was a surprising shortage of gun ammunition in stores. 

This is related to information uncovered by a leak from a doctor working on the vaccination for COVID-19. According to a quote from the medical expert, “They don’t want you to know, but this virus has an immense potential to alter its genetic code to the point where it compromises the conscious mental functions of the host to focus solely on proliferating the contagion.”

Much of the information surrounding this leak has been suppressed, making it difficult to obtain facts about the virus’ possible mutation, however, those who have been made aware of the possible threat have been preparing for the upcoming apocalypse.

Additionally, this type of infection tends to spread rapidly across populations and create “herds” of these carriers. Those getting ready to defend themselves against this virus should be aware that the most efficient way that the virus is spread is through saliva or sinus mucus. 

“Be careful of the infected fluids getting into open wounds. Major causes of concern should be the consumption of infected blood or infected blood saliva entering a wound – like a bite,” said the medical expert.

Worries surrounding the possible mutation of the virus are that the Governor of Washington might impose martial law as a means of controlling the infected “herds.” The governor has also considered building a large wall around the state to keep any zombies out, stating in a press conference that he intends on making Idaho pay for the wall. 

 Some students have expressed their appreciation for second amendment rights at this point, since the condition is as dangerous and contagious as they have been led to believe. 

One Saint Martin’s student shared, “My family has some really big guns, and even if there is an apocalypse we’ll be fine. Just remember to avoid making noise and double tap!”