Much like Greece, this yogurt is a lost cause

Ever seen some wack garbage excuse for some yogurt such as thisNicholas Sarysz, Section Editor


The chances that you have indulged in one of the Monk’s Beans’ overpriced Greek yogurt parfaits are very slim. However, if you have ever wasted your limited flex cash on one, you would know that they are a mess, both literally and figuratively.

Throughout the entirety of the fall semester, anyone who purchased a yogurt parfait would be granted the opportunity to cherish that moment for hours to follow. This was not because the portions were large enough to enjoy over any span of time, but because the limited amount of yogurt that there was would somehow find its way to nearly every place but your mouth.

A student, who wishes to remain anonymous, was happy to share one of his experiences from the first semester: “I finished the yogurt in the morning and just went about my day. It wasn’t until three o’clock that I realized the yogurt was plastered down the entire side of my sweatshirt. I looked like an absolute fool during all of my classes!”

The mess left in the wake of eating the Greek yogurt became a genuine concern for the student body, and many individuals began to express their concerns. 

“This greek yogurt, in my opinion, is cursed. It draws you with promises of health and protein, only to then get all over you. You’ll be eating and get called out over a white spot on your thighs. Oh the embarrassment! And if that’s not enough, as you endeavor to finish it faster, it keeps turning up in random spots. Somehow it’s on your elbows, on your stomach, by your neck, or in the case of some unlucky consumers, it’s on your ear! There’s no explanation for the unholy mess caused by the act of consumption of this Greek yogurt, besides it being cursed. Eat Greek yogurt only if you wish for embarrassment and having your eating habits compared to a toddler’s,” expressed student, Craven Moorehead, when asked what he felt about the previous parfaits. 

These concerns were met with a quick decision, and it was likely the first time that Bon Appétit actually listened to what the students had to say. The parfaits have gone through a massive change a few weeks into the current semester, and although the ingredients listed on the lid were the same as before, the nutrition facts are drastically different. The amount of total sugar in the parfait increased to 14 grams, while the calcium dropped to zero percent of your daily value. Along with the nutritional changes came a change of texture, which caused the Greek yogurt to become much too powdery for comfort.

Buster Cherry, a transfer student, expressed, “I don’t like it… I just don’t like it. Every parfait comes with varying amounts, and types of fruit, so there is no way that every one of them has the same amount of sugar. Not to mention the calcium, what kind of yogurt doesn’t have calcium? Is it lactose free? Also, the new yogurt looks like they spilled all-purpose flour into the cup. I would have rather spilled my yogurt than have it share the same ingredients as uncooked bread. Not to mention that an 8.5 ounce yogurt being priced over four dollars is a joke within itself.”

The quality of the yogurt parfaits is so low that some students have even started to compare them to similar parfaits from other restaurants. 

According to a student named Ingrid: “These parfaits are literally as bad as what they serve at McDonald’s. That’s right, I would rather have a machine processed, watery, soapy tasting yogurt parfait from McDonalds than one of these four dollar ‘gourmet’ parfaits. Whatever the hell ‘gourmet’ means. Bon App is not the cream of the crop, they’re the water on top of the yogurt.” 

The Monk’s Bean Greek yogurt parfaits tasted wonderful during the first semester of this year, but the logistics of them were terrifying. During the second semester, the students had the taste of the yogurt stripped away from them as well. At this point, it’s a lost cause.