Ty’s World (on the verge of destruction… or not)
Ty Skirmont Staff Writer
So, after a long month of exhilarating midterms and daily stress of making sure you wake up for class on time, I am here to remind you just how close the world is to death and literally paying as you weigh for flights. Now, that being said, there’s a lot to cover and hopefully remind us that no matter how bad our life gets, at least we can still place faith into the absurdity of mankind.
North Korea’s Just Getting More Insane
I don’t normally care about what happens in North Korea; I expect that they will eventually eat themselves and alleviate the world of that worry. Instead of eating themselves, it appears they just want to get more insane and start something – I’m banking on a food fight so they can feed their people with meatballs thrown cafeteria-style – but as they flex their military might of nuclear testing (remember, they could barely get a missile into the water a bit ago) they also have cut off people from entering a major industrial area, Kaesong. Though in North Korea, the Republic of Korea (the southern tip for those geographically challenged) has been a joint facility for both countries. Now with the rising tensions, a blocking of the facility, and Kim Jong-Un running out of peasants to eat, the North seems to be poking at starting something.
Hugo Chavez (1954-2013)
I would be remiss if I didn’t mention Chavez this month. The man that not only called George Bush a donkey, but related him to the Devil, passed away after struggling with cancer. Chavez caused much controversy, including my favorite statement made by any political leader ever, back in 2011 by implicating the lack of life on Mars is due to capitalism. Chavez will be missed, but thankfully for the rest of us, Benyamin Netanyahu has his cardboard supply of ACME bombs to keep us reminded of why we really should care more about who we put into power and be critical of them.
Gaza and Peace
Within the past few days, Israel and Palestine have still been shooting at each other. Though this is hardly surprising given the way the relationship has deteriorated faster than a relationship in a Greek Tragedy, the Israeli Defense Minister, a Mr. Moshe Yaalon, has said that these attacks would not go unpunished for long. Blaming violence on Hamas – who hasn’t said they were responsible for sporadic firing into Israel – there have, to date, been about 160 Palestinian victims (including civilians) and six Israelis. The fragile peace is about set to – knock on wood, O’ Cthulhu, whatever – break, and it needs to be fixed by people who don’t want to kill each other. Or maybe we can just send the guys that hate each other into a MMA ring and have them fight each other to get it done finally.
Finally, to freshen the air (pardon the pun), I found this little article on something hilarious. Samoa Air, the airline centered in Samoa in case you were confused, is now charging by the kilogram for a flight with consideration for the flight’s length. I understand that some may be confused with that odd word “kilogram”, but it’s a measure of weight that everyone else but the USA uses. Now that that’s cleared up, Samoa Air has been found defending that they are making it cheaper, but in a section of the world that is placed number four in the world for obesity. This may not affect a lot of people, it’s still ridiculous and people should know about stuff like this because imagine if they did this for all flights. I’d be able to fly around the world for $60.
Anyway, remember that the world is ridiculous. And with the escalation in North Korea and Israel, we may be talking about another war soon – knock on wood, O’ Cthulhu, et cetera – and this might be the last laugh we get until they “take all our guns away.” So, until next month, have fun and look on the bright side of life. After all, like the greatest philosopher of our time, Monty Python, said in paraphrase for editing purposes, life’s a joke. Act like it and don’t take it too seriously.